1. When you text her to ask her how work is, she refuses to use the words “quiet” or “slow.” Because those words make waters break and babies cry and epidurals stop working and she’ll yell at you if you use them.
2. You receive texts from her on her way home from work which state, “I am going directly to the couch. I do not want to talk, cook, or do anything except sit on the couch. Thank you.”
3. She’s the easiest person in the world to take to a party; just plop her in the middle of all the other women, tell them she’s a labor and delivery nurse, and watch them regale her with their own birth stories all night.
4. You find random medical supplies in the bathroom cabinet – she calls them her “yearly bonus;” saline flushes for her pierced ears, nitrazine swabs in case her water breaks at home, nail polish remover wipes in her purse, leftover towels from the morning deliveries.
5. When you ask her how her day was at work, you pray to God she doesn’t start talking about pooping on the bed, weird vaginas, or vomit in her shoes. And if she does, you likely don’t even bat an eye.
6. You think charting is actually a three-headed evil Loch Ness monster; based on the way she talks about it, paperwork is going to kill us all.
7. She giggles when her first time pregnant friends tell her they’re going to “see how it goes” when deciding if they want an epidural…it sounds like a perfectly logical plan, right?
8. She lies through her teeth when her patients ask if they pooped while they were pushing. “No, of course not! You did great. She’s beautiful.” But if she’s being honest? She’s actually terrified of doing the same thing someday.
9. She wakes up in the middle of the night remembering something she’s forgotten to chart…then forgets it again the next morning.
10. It drives her crazy when people tell her how “nice” her schedule is. “Three days a week? What do you do with all your free time?”